Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
