Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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