Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
