you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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