i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
