Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize