Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
time to smoke my breakfast
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
