Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
