The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
