Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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