I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
