plz talk dirty to me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
