i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
