Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i've created a new STD.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
