I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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