My Higher Power is John Stamos
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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