I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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