i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
