first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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