You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
