VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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