i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
