saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
