I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
