im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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