you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
