You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
