I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize