I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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