i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
