He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
