Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
