I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
