Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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