She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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