god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
