just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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