This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
