I think i peed on brittanys purse
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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