If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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