I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
