She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
