smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
