mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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