Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
