my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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