just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
