Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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