There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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