Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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