I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
