I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
