The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
