did you get engaged???
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Actions speak louder than pants.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize