did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
