Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You ruined the universe
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
