You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
