Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
