I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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