Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
PANTIES FOUND
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