I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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