had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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