I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
