do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
