Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
