if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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