Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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