I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Still dying that you shit outside
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
