"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
