so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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