well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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