afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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