Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
