I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
