So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And then he peed in my hair
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