Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
