I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
too bad you live with your parents still
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
