just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
