I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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